Hello and Good-Bye

Was I the only one who felt a sense of shock, who was caught flat footed, when I read about Tim’s passing? Tim, with his eternal optimism and strength of spirit, had me convinced that he was going to be with us for many more years. Stage 4 lung cancer was not going to slow him down. I took great comfort when I thought of him in California with his family, waiting for the birth of his first grandchild, finally having a chance to read as often as he wanted and writing in his blog about his daily adventures and challenges. In the grand scheme of things, he was only with us for a very short time but his effect on our congregation, and on many of us as individuals, has been profound. His challenges and struggles become ours and as we traveled the road together we learned how to live with courage, grace and boundless love. His strength gave us strength. Before Tim joined us we talked about wanting to be a Warm and Welcoming Place but under Tim’s leadership we learned how to walk the walk. Thank you Tim for all you have taught us. You will be missed.

As we say good-bye to our friend and minister I am mindful that he would be telling us to prepare to say Hello to those who will be walking though our Meeting House doors soon. He wrote these words in his last post, “300 Households”, on our leadership blog on June 2^nd:

….we don’t want to grow to 300 households simply for the sake of being 300 households. Rather, we have a duty and an obligation to grow this congregation to whatever size the greater Portland community requires us to be, and 300 households is merely the next easily-defined “plateau” at which we might rest. And I’m VERY confident that there are AT LEAST an additional 200+ households “out there” who would very much appreciate having First Parish in their lives, if only someone would be willing to take them by the hand and show them around. They may not even realize that this is what they are looking for; instead, they may simply be feeling a little discouraged by what they witness going on all around them; they may be feeling discouraged, unfulfilled, angry and frustrated by their inability to make a real difference. We can help them change all that...or at least help them in making a start. Besides, we need all the partners we can find in our own efforts to make this world a better place.

(To read the full post go to firstparishportland.blogspot.com/.) Tim suggested later on in the post that we get aggressive. No, we are not going to be dragging people in off the street! But we are going to practice intentional, dynamic growth. Starting in early September we will run a 3 week advertising campaign on WCLZ (98.9 FM) and a 3 month campaign on WMPG (90.9 FM). We will be broadcasting to our city who and what we are. And I have faith that they will come flocking to our church. Our great challenge is to then receive them with open arms and hearts. If you were at the Annual Meeting in May you will remember that I appointed all present as members of my Transition Team. Now I am appointing every member of the congregation to the Welcoming Team. If we do not all make the effort to welcome the stranger in our midst then it is far less likely that they will put down roots in our community. And that’s the whole point, is it not? If we just bring the newcomer through our doors but do not help them to become a vital, involved member of our community, then we have failed. (If you are interested in more information from the UUA about intentional, dynamic growth check out these two videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/newUUorg ) I am not asking you to teach the New UU class or host a pot luck supper (though let me know if you want to!); all I am asking is for each of us to smile at a stranger. Possibly extend a hand of welcome. Or ask if they enjoyed the service. This is the way the stranger becomes familiar and the familiar becomes friend. If we are all willing to take these simple steps then our dream will come true; the dream of reaching our full potential as Portland’s oldest faith community with a large and vital congregation to fill our beautiful Meeting House.

On a personal note, some of the shock and awe of becoming President has worn off in during the lazy, damp days of summer. One of the reasons I will miss Tim is that I knew if I stumbled that he would have picked me up, dusted me off and then found a way to make me laugh about the situation. My personal goal over the next two years as President is to remember to laugh and to never, ever take myself too seriously.

Off to make dinner for my children. Peace. Ashley

The Big Basketball Court in the Sky

We had gone to my Mother's house in Belfast for dinner. After two days of camping I was looking forward to her good cooking, a glass of wine and some fine conversation. Being at my Mom's also afforded me the opportunity to check my e-mail. The subject line that jumped out at me right away was about Tim. As I read about his passing I was overwhelmed with a sense of shock and disbelief. After all, I had just read a blog post from him late last week and he had sounded his usual peppy self. How could he be gone? Yes, he was sick. I understood that. But I also had believed Tim when he told me that we was going to be around for several more years. He had so many things he wanted to accomplish. So much he wanted to read and to write about. I was stunned.

God Bless my Mom. I asked her permission to leave before dinner. (My children were spending the night.) I knew I just needed to be alone. As I drove back down Rt. 1, the tears rolled down my checks. Not heaving sobs, just tears of profound sadness. When I arrived back at my father's farmhouse in Camden I put my Irish terrier on his long lead and headed out to the back fields. The sky was streaked with the early pinks of a summer sunset. Those back fields on the top of Melvin Heights are one of the places I go to find God. With my Dog. So I walked and cried and talked to Tim. Out loud. That is my way when I am upset and am trying to find peace.

The conversation went something like this:

A: I am mad at you! Why now? Why so soon?

T: Ashley, trust me, it was not part of my plan either. But Ashley....listen to me....I am not in pain any longer. I had lived with the pain for so long that I had forgotten what it is like to be free of it. It is wonderful!

A: O.K....I get it. I'm not mad anymore. But Tim, do you forgive me?

T: For what? There is nothing that I need to forgive you for.

A: Oh, but I think that there is. Tim, I know that you did not want to retire this past spring. That being our minister, that serving our congregation, brought you immense joy. And that if I and others had not pushed you gently to retire that we would have saved you much heartache.

T: Ashley, there is nothing to forgive. That's just a remnant of your old Catholic guilt talking. Yes, at the time I wanted desperately to stay with you all in Portland. Being your minister and serving First Parish was what I had worked for all of my days. I was living my dreams and it doesn't get any better then that. But I can now see that if you all had not helped me to let go and to move on that I would not have had the very special and important time with my family and friends that these last few months afforded us. As you know from being a faithful reader of my blog, I was able to spend quality time with all of those who were so dear to me. And now we both know how important that time was. It was my chance to say good-bye.

Ashley, your challenge is to stop remembering those times I cried in our last months together (damn those drugs!!!) but of all of the times I laughed. And all of the times I made you laugh. Remember those times when you think of me. Can you do that?

A: I can try, Tim, I can try. You certainly knew how to make me laugh. Although, can I tell you a secret? You were so much smarter then me that some of the time I didn't get the joke but laughed anyway. Is that wrong?

T: No. No. No. Not wrong, just kind.

A: So, Tim, what the heck do I do now?

T: You know what to do, Ashley. First you help the congregation mourn and heal. Honestly, I hope that you will gather everyone together and just tell "Tim" stories. And laugh together and comfort one another. Maybe order some wings in my honor.

Then you do what we talked about. You lead with humor. You help grow new leaders. You help folks find their ministry. You continue to be the warm and welcoming place that we dreamed First Parish can be. Keep it simple. Delegate. Find cause to celebrate. You already know this stuff. When in doubt, just go back and read this blog. It is all there for you and whoever else is looking for wisdom and guidance. Hey... now that I'm dead can I claim that I was wise?

A: Oh, Tim....yes, you can claim wisdom. You were also courageous, generous, patient, funny and compassionate. I'll miss you. We all will miss you.

T: Don't miss me too much. I will be with you in spirit. Hey, I got to go. There's a pick-up game about to start and I want to be on the same team as Emerson and Thoreau. Man, is it great to be able to go up for a jump shot again! Peace, Ashley.

Peace, Tim.